Ellie has this trick, she will kick once or move a Tony bit then not bother, until I'm forced to pump music in there. She has been playing that game today. It's like she knows it winds me up!
For someone with no social life, I'm very busy from this weekend until Tuesday, with various things. It will probably do me good I know. I feel like I've aged 20 years in this pregnancy, hard to believe I'm still a bambi myself! Better to be young and deal with this though while I am young and fit and able. Plus now I have psychological help as a release, which actually doesn't help with my new issue.....breathing. Talk about fatty baby!
Lee and I took my brother and his australian girlfriend who is visiting for dinner yesterday. They have been totally rude since she's been here, barely bothering to socialise with anyone and being ignorant at my mum's house. They never bothered to say thanks. When Lee's parents or whoever do stuff for us, I would NEVER dream of not saying thank you.
Thinking I will commence my jewellery as an etsy project but not until after Ellie puts in an appearance. I've also been in touch with Sasha Ban, world's best nursing lecturer and loveliest person ever and she would love for me to do a talk in her children's nursing module during the renal lecture. It's quite a unique position for me as I have been on both the nursing side and now the parent side. That doesn't happen often.
Last night, in bed, I only had underwear on and we have wardrobes with mirror fronts. I just could not stop staring at this huge bump in front of me, it's really surreal. Every morning, I wake up and feel like Drew Barrymore in 50 first dates, because it's me but pregnant and I just can't believe I am due in 6 weeks. I don't feel any different but at the same time, it's amazing, I grew this baby that is in there. And I still can't believe there is a baby in there or that I have actually been pregnant all this time. It's so weird. I'm sad now though because the end is near and I don't know how it will turn out. I have this beautiful, perfect little girl in there and I can't protect her. I hand her to the amazing doctors at the RVI for that. All Lee and I can do is fight for her rights and in case of the worst, hold her and tell her how much we love her. But I think she will fight, these babies are so strong.
It makes me sad to see how all my friends bring their babies home and love being parents. Will we get to do that? There's just so many questions. I know whatever happens, people get through this all the time and we will be no different. I don't want a perfect healthy child though, I want Ellie. People with healthy children never seentheir children in the same way I don't think thought. They will love their child and do anything for them, but (and I envy them), they will take for granted the time with their kids in a way we never will.
I found an ARPKD group on yahoo with loads more parents which is great. Not to mention, lovely little Stephen Schwartz, the baby who has given us so much hope, is doing well still thou he has had a couple of rough days.
This is long enough! I leave you here!
I've had an idea for a while to make stuff and sell it for charity - no one particular charity, but different ones for causes I would like to help with. So far German law seems to be a bit of an obstacle though. But if I can't make my own shop, maybe I could donate stuff for you to sell (it won't be jewellery though, just bookmarks and things, so you might not be interested).
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