And hopefully not the bad end of the line!!!
I had to wait an extra week for my CVS with Dr Sturgiss. He just couldn't get that first week, far too risky and I trust him with mine and my baby's life so I was OK. Lee, not so much, but that week passed quickly.
The following week, foetal med were running 2.5 hours late, just enough time to have me up a height. There are only 4 doctors covering 5 days now Dr MacPhail has left (still incredibly missed on my part but Dr S. is amazing too). Eventually they caught up and I went in and got the green light. We got the anaesthetic in and then the green light turned red. Devastation to say the least. I went for a wee and came back, and he did think about things for a while but then we got the green again (the position can change so quickly). By this time, I was in a lot of pain, not from anything related but from my clenching the muscles around my ribcage with stress. More anaesthetic and then the actual huge needle. After all the worry of the abdominal CVS, it was a breeze. I do not even know why I requested the cervical one last time!! Afterwards though, I got quite a lot of pain in the right side of my pelvis and promptly was sick in a bin. The sick was just water and paracetamol and definitely from my own hyping myself up, not the test! I did feel sore for a couple of days, and turning over in bed was HARD.
The next morning, early hours was horrendous. Went to the toilet. Blood. It was awful because you just want a chance to get the results. I went to the new hospital A and E in Cramlington. 4.30am and I still had to wait a while but once I got triaged they were very quick and amazing. They did a scan, baby was fine. As it panned out, just a bit of placental irritation and the bleeding was almost done. It did continue as spotting for a couple of days but that was one relief.
I was expecting the call late monday afternoon or potentially Tuesday if they couldn't get the result from the Centre for Life. My usual genetic counsellor, Gill, is on annual leave and Susan that was going to call is the one who gave me the bad news. On Monday morning at approx. 11am my phone went with the genetics number. I figured it would be another day's wait so I answered and Susan told me 'We have your results'. I felt shaky. 'It's bad news, isn't it?'.
'It's NOT! Baby is a healthy carrier'. My whole world just tilted on its axis. Until you receive a call like that, you can't know how everything in your head explodes in the best possible way and you just cry. Another little BOY! This 5 year journey of hell and amazing-ness (in Theo) has led to this. We are some of the lucky ones. I guess the really lucky ones are those who never find out they are carriers but never think you are the worst off……there are PKD families and CF, etc who have 2 or 3 or even 6 in a row affected. There are families carrying dominant traits, a 50/50 chance. There are families who don't have the strength or the teams that we do and give up.
This will be my last pregnancy and I know a lot of people say, with their second or 3rd, especially of the same gender, they are less excited. That doesn't apply here. I am SO excited. Now named Ewan Evan Seren (after Serenity) Forrest, he will be as loved and treasured at Ellie and Theo and we are just so grateful to be at this point. I never felt that broody but was conscious that I wanted a sibling for Theo and I think I can hand on heart say 2 is right for us. We are lucky to even get this chance without a string of horrible results.
I am still petrified. I am 14 weeks and have to get through the 20 week scan, always a nightmare. I do believe it will come good but being on the inside of so many losses of friends is difficult and you know there is never a safe point in pregnancy. A 3rd C-section terrifies me. However, the RVI and Dr Sturgiss are phenomenal and will help me through. Even their MAU sound amazingly caring on the phone (as they were with Ellie).
I will try my best to enjoy all the lasts and fight against my anxiety. I will never be a victim because I choose to try and look at all the good. My lot in life is evidently to be surrounded by good looking men!
