One more step to the top of the city

It's been a long time since I posted here. So much has happened. I was determined to make this year an awesome one, even better than the one before. I'm actually, with my health anxiety, a bit concerned I may have a terminal illness because the year has been SO great.

Feb 7th was the 3rd anniversary of Ellie's passing and that day, I decided I wanted to do a big charity 'IT'S A KNOCKOUT'. My days, I did not expect it to take off the way it did, it was huge and we raised a fortune. The day was amazing, so much fun and people want it again next year. It was for Tiny Lives at the RVI and 4Louis and we raised about £3500 for each charity, it far surpassed what I was expecting. June was a busy month all round….there was that, I got to see Dolly Parton (who was bloody excellent, well worth it), I did a zombie run in Newcastle (my heart nearly packed up) and we went to Alton Towers. Cbeebies land had just opened up so we took Theo. I didn't think he would like it that much given at the time he was into Disney channel but as it panned out, he loved it and now he is all about the cbeebies channel haha. We are going to go back next year hopefully.

In March a huge thing happened. Kate Bush (who I never thought I would see in my life) announced a 15 date residency in London. This was then increased to 22 dates but due to the size of the venue, it was still going to be like catching gold dust trying to get a ticket. For a week, I moped with the not knowing. She is my music idol, one of my biggest heroes, just THE ULTIMATE! Well, the day came round and during the 15 minutes it took to sell out, I GOT A TICKET! After seeing Dolly, I was like, Can Kate Bush live up to this? My ticket was for September 24th, down in London. As the concerts started, the reviews were amazing and I just got more and more nervous. Then the day came, it was such an adventure. Lee said I achieved a lot because, with my anxiety, I went by myself to London and just loved it. I nearly had a couple of panic attacks before the concert (it still manifests as health anxiety, so if I am nervous about something not health related, I get convinced I have a DVT or something, its bizarre). I got to the Hammersmith apollo, bought a load of merchandise and went it. I had an hours wait once I sat but I was really close to the stage. When Kate Bush hit that stage, I realised I probably should not have put eyeliner or mascara on, since I bawled and I couldn't accept I was hearing her live. It was so amazing, so unreal. At one point they brought her out into the audience and I nearly blacked out. It literally was one of the best nights of my life. I can't wait for the DVD.

Work is going really well, I have a few students and they are doing great. I really love teaching though it is so frustrating sometimes. After a failed stage school type venture, I have also started running a community choir and I just look forward to it so much every week. I have a bunch of kids in for exams, I am doing my pop and musical theatre exams, I've started writing my own stuff, my instruments are going really well. I'm just so inspired! I also joined an operatic society and am in my first big musical next week (which is Scrooge). It's exhausting but has been fun. I ran my first concert in July and am doing the next one just before Xmas. It's gonna be great, the last one was really successful so I think this one will go even better as my students are getting better and I am. I have a lot more confidence on the stage. I don't know why, it just kind of happened. I am receiving an award in Dec for being the highest mark for Grade 5 pop in the North East and so it will be competition season!

Lee and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last month. We went glamping which was really fun. I didn't think I would like it so much but it was awesome!

My degree is ongoing. That is hard work, fitting it round everything but I figure, a bit of slog is worth it. I have taken on a bit much this season but hey, better than having no goals! I also just got my ticket for Neil Diamond today, I have wanted to see him for years but have always missed him but next year is the year! That will be in London so another adventure. My friend is going to come this time so it will be awesome.

I've saved the best for last, the best being my perfect peach. There is so much I could say but I could never do justice by words. He is the sun, the moon and stars and then some. At just over 2, he can count to 15 almost, knows all his animals, colours, opposites, vehicles, shapes, loves to dance, is a sweet little singer, knows who Dolly Parton is(!), is very strong willed and funny, knows his own mind, is affectionate and loving, loves his teddies, loves Timmy Time/In the night garden/Mr Tumble and the Gruffalo and a million other things. He is so funny it hurts sometimes, the stuff he does. I love it when he hides to do a poo, or makes me put CDs on my finger so he can spin them. He is still obsessed with spinning socks, or anything else that spins i.e. washing machine, windmills, wheels etc. so when I found a solar power windmill in London, I had to buy it for him. His little face was amazing! His birthday was great last month when he came in the room and said 'Presents!', gently removed the birthday cards out the way to get to the presents. He had a little tea party and loved it. A week and a half before his birthday he got chickenpox and wasn't a bit of bother. He loves Christmas candles and his new phrase is 'Theo coming!' whenever we go anywhere. His favourite places are Space to Play soft play and Plessey Woods (where we go gruffalo hunting). He has just stopped calling sandwiches 'faringes' (which I loved) and now calls them 'sanwhinges'. He loves his family and has a wicked temper. After CBT and coming off my anxiety tablets, he keeps me a little bit sane and a little bit mad and makes me laugh and smile so much. I could say a million more things but I'm tired.

I wrote this blog because tonight has been the Wave of Light, in memory of all the angel babies. I often feel guilty because I don't grieve that much anymore, mostly because I am so busy. I never forget about Ellie although sometimes, it was so quick it feels like it never happened. I know this is what Ellie would want, all these exciting memories and things to look forward to and looking back on this year, I have done and experienced so much to make me happy that when I think on it, it reminds me how, even in awful times of disease and war and our own personal problems, life can be amazing and everything you want it to be and I am so lucky. I get scared a lot, mostly of anything happening to Theo but we keep him safe and he has the best guardian angel (he loves cuddling Ellie's blanket). ARPKD is a part of who Ellie was and who we are even though we don't suffer the disease but it has also made me who I am now and right now, I'm really happy with that person and this life.