31 days!

Can't believe that is all that's left! Theo's birthday has been set at 25th of September unless he comes earlier. I think it's an afternoon section though so the only people that will see Theo on that day are our parents (as I don't want people to see me with a catheter and things. It's a personal preference for my own dignity so people can wait until 3pm the next day I'm sure). Not to mention with 3 sets of parents, only 2 visitors at a time and an hour slot, it will be a bit overwhelming for us so that's our plan. Then everyone else can come the wednesday.

In the meantime, with 1/5 of his head engaged, my birthing ball is here so I'm going to bounce all day every day to try and get him further down and out naturally since it is better for us. With the section, I did check to have it earlier but it would require steroid shots as with elective sections at 37 weeks, 1 in 5 babies have breathing issues, 1 in 10 at 38 weeks and only 1 in 20 at 39 weeks so 39 and a half is the best option for us.

Theo is sitting at 5.3lb so I'm hoping in 4 weeks to get him to at least his sister's weight of 6lb 10oz. We got to watch him practice his breathing today on the scan, it was lovely. It was great having Lee there as he has missed a lot of scans with work and he will miss the final one in 3 weeks.

So, here's to counting down!

zzzzzzzzz x infinity

I got up at 8am, I've been in the shower, got ready and now I'm ready for bed again at 10.35am! Nightmare, because my house is a bomb site.

I am feeling better about things though. You know what? I just don't have time to give a shit. Not only have other people's actions caused me to learn who my real friends are, I have a wonderful husband who brings me flowers and chocolate bars, teaches me to be stronger and makes me laugh when he is naughty with his sneaky pints, a beautiful fairy and a gorgeous son due in 3-5 weeks so what else do I need? Certainly not those that bring me down and cause me stress when I should be super excited. As if I wasn't nervous enough panicking about labour, c sections and stillbirths. So I'm moving on and while we aren't cutting anybody out of our lives, people can work around us from now on, not the other way round. I am past caring about pleasing other people because all it brings me is tears and stress while they all get to do whatever they want and it makes Lee get stressed because he is trying to cheer me up. So as long as Lee and Theo are happy, I'm really not going to bother working on the rest. They can make themselves happy, it's not my job to worry about them and if they aren't happy, it's not my fault, they need to look at their own actions in life because people certainly don't lose any sleep when they upset Lee and I.

I have a scan on Friday. You'd think I'd not be nervous about scans at this point but it just never goes away, especially not after the Gary Barlow news a fortnight ago. I haven't needed to go to any but 1 reassurance CTGs because Theo has been moving quite a lot but I think I'll want them more after the 35/36 week mark. I guess the thing about stillbirth worry is most are preventable if you catch them in time and with me having check ups so bloody often, I'm sure it would be really hard to miss but I can't breathe easy til the little gruffalo is here. I've been playing my piano a lot, just easy film music and stuff to help and it really has.

Got my bump photos too, and I love them. Can't wait until Theo is here to get some done of him! He's gonna be gorgeous!

1 month wake up call

I can't keep saying enough how quickly this year has passed and now here we are at 33 weeks, only one month away from term.

I had a scan on Thursday past, Theo was weighing in at 4.1 lbs, exactly on the 50th centile line so totally average. I'm getting more and more nervous all the time so Dr McKenzie has been fantastic and scheduled me in for 3 CTGS this week and a scan the week after, then that pattern will happen again across the subsequent fortnight. I know it's just for reassurance but it really helps. He is so active all the time and it feels really weird now haha.

I feel like I'm constantly stressed all the time too. I've already made the decision that I am sick of loads of people hounding me about when they can have Theo to babysit him. Everybody else gets to raise their kids or be around other people's without me and Lee having to lose precious time in the beginning that we didn't have last time. I appreciate everyone is excited but he is our baby and I'm sick of crying at night because of people putting me under pressure. It's really not fair. It's got me so wound up that it's ruining my excitement for him being here. So, if it's a month, so be it and if I don't want to hand him out for 3 months, then that's also fine by me. This is about Lee, Theo and I and our family and what is right for us.

I spend my life trying to please people and I don't know why I bother. It always displeases someone and I'm getting to the point, as long as it isn't my husband or child, I don't care. Right now, for example, I am 33 weeks pregnant and I am the one for the most part who has to go visiting everybody else, despite being fat and sore and tired. There is an exception to the rule or two but really, what is that all about? I've been doing it this whole pregnancy mostly and I'm sick. And I'm pretty sure if I didn't, I'd get called for it for not bothering. I can't win when I'm soft, because people walk over me and when I man up, I'm unreasonable.

So basically, when Theo comes and I get out of hospital, I am going to lie round with him and enjoy him. I may not be able to drive anyway and if people want to visit and Lee is out, they can make their own tea like the Health visitor says. I know once I recover, I'm going to be super busy between baby clubs and classes to meet people, appointments I have to keep and being a good mum so for once, people can come to us or put up with not seeing us much. All this stressing is not doing my little boy any good.

Tell me again how babies get out?

All I can say is do not watch 'One Born Every Minute' style programs when you are going to be giving birth soon. It's not good. Barely recovered! I love me some epidural!

32 weeks in 2 days and it is ticking over very fast! I have another scan on Thursday so I'm hoping Theo is still peachy perfect in there. I, on the other hand, can barely put my socks on!

I turned 25 on the 1st. I didn't do much, we went for a meal at night but I did get spoilt from family and friends which was nice. I'm much more of a Christmas person as it is for everyone, plus it's more exciting with a Theo-zilla on the way. I'm so excited planning all the places to take him and things to do!

The closer birth gets, the harder I am finding things, I must admit. It is making me remember things a lot more (I try not to think hospital thoughts too much, despite always talking about Ellie but its unavoidable) and I am feeling under pressure counting movements and things, given that it was an issue with Ellie and we never got past 35 weeks. I miss her so much and the thought that anything could happen to Theo is unbearable. The sooner he is here safe, the better!