Chunky bump

How fat am I haha? This is 22 weeks of Theo goodness.

Life is busy busy busy. I'm studying some genetics at the minute and my word, however interesting, it is weighty! That said, I have been working hard and that is all that matters.

Theo is moving lots now and I have a scan next week so I can't wait to see him. Don't get me wrong, there are always nerves before a rainbow scan but getting the 20 week scan out of the way was a big step and now I feel like I can settle between 90-95%. The other 5-10% is birth nerves mostly, I have to say, close enough to worry but far away enough I don't dwell too much.

Believe it or not, my grandad won a bit of money on the lottery ( a decent amount but not a millionaire!) and as Lee and I are getting a cut, as are my mum and aunty, and siblings and cousins, Theo and my cousin's little girl, the two main things we want are a golf membership (for Lee) and a 4d scan (for us both). We also need a couple of bits of furniture for our master bedroom/nursery but the majority is going in savings. I'm just glad we can start work on the nursery soon.

I am getting a lot more acid reflux this time. Not full blown heartburn yet but the little monster has time! I get tired easily as well but all in all, touch wood, I feel well. We have some beautiful toys and clothes for him, so excited to see him in them.

And most importantly, we have 2 lovely kids and we know Ellie is about keeping him safe and encouraging him to be naughty!

Theo

Dear little boy blue,

It's 5am and I have been awake since 3.15am. Not because of you but you have kept mummy company since I woke up. I realise now why you won't kick much in the day. That's naughty, it's sleep time! I think you were hungry though so we have just had some peanut butter and honey toast, your favourite food in the whole wide womb!

We went to see you today but you still don't like the camera. I think you are so good looking you don't want to spoil the surprise. Not like your sister, she thought she was on TV!  Thanks for flashing your willy though, cheeky monkey. You are a big boy since mummy saw you last, 6 and a half weeks ago.

We can't believe it is only 17-19 weeks til we meet you. You look perfect and have a big swimming pool in there but when you come out here, you have millions of treats and toys. Lots of people want to meet you but they won't get a look in once mummy and daddy get a hold of you! You have more clothes than the two of us and are going to be our little disney man. By the way, you love the muppets, just so you know.

You are making mummy get super fat and you are getting strong now and doing big boy kicks. Not for daddy though. You are definately a mummy's boy but you should play with daddy too as he is the one who will be sneaking you sweeties all the time. I know you are mad because he keeps telling us to stop eating too many sweets and nice things, but it is just so you stay healthy and on the outside, he is the naughty one.

We have lots of plans for you. We are going to read millions of stories, and watch bear in the big blue house and play lots of games. When you get big, we will take you to Legoland and Alton Towers and next year, we want to take you on holiday. Mostly though, we want to give you big snuggles and kissies, until you hit us to get off.

Sorry I haven't played piano for you for a few days, I know you love it. When you are big, you can learn too. Daddy says you have to play football too. I've told him you want to be a doctor but he won't listen! He's a silly sausage but he loves you lots and is excited for playing cars.

Please get big and strong, and try to be more mellow at birth than your drama queen sister. If you have to come out the baby slide, please be quick too! Ellie is being your protector and will snuggle you in your cot when you get here and we will show you all her special things. Stay inside for at least 17 weeks though so you can be a big boy.

We are proud of you and your sister and we love you both millions, to the moon and back.

love,

Mummy

Ellie

Dear Ellie,

It's been just over 15 months since you came into our lives and left and the hardest 15 months of our lives without a doubt. After being ripped apart, physically, mentally and emotionally, I didn't think I would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel again.

Last year, on Father's day, you gave daddy a 4-ball for golf in your own fairy way, and this year, for mother's day, you sent us Theo. I know everytime I worry, you just laugh and nana gives me wrong because you are protecting him, it's just bad habit! He already is different to you: he doesn't like his picture taken! And where I didn't like red meat but you converted me, he has given me garlic bread!

Some days I feel bad, because you must see how excited we are and know that we never had that with you, that you never had a cupboard full of toys and clothes, and things being picked for you left, right and centre. It doesn't mean I love you less than Theo and I hope you know that. It just means you had to help us be better people and now Theo is going to help us.

I know you picked Theo especially for us and you must miss him lots now he isn't in fairyland with you. Everytime he doesn't move and I ask you to tell him to kick so I don't panic, he listens and since he has so much fluid, I'm sure you must climb in and give him cuddles. I already know you told him to like sweeties and naughty food more than broccoli and peas because he won't be my friend when I don't eat peanut butter and honey toast! I can tell he is a mummy's boy where you were a daddy's girl too and he is much more shy with the camera.

Sometimes daddy and I get sad you won't be here to snuggle Theo, and get in trouble for hitting him but you and I were the ones who knew you had to go back to fairyland, weren't we? You didn't want to be sad like the other boys and girls with ARPKD so you asked Theo to come and look after us because you knew he wasn't poorly.

Every minute we think of him, we are thinking of you too and you have been the best little brother protector in the whole world and still are. Please don't ever think we don't love you as much or are forgetting you, we are just making sure we look after Theo like you want us to.

You are the best little girl in the whole wide world and I miss holding your hand and kissing you every day.

Love you millions, bambi.

Mummy x