The instinct has kicked in early! Decided full flat has to be sorted, decorated, decluttered, etc by the time Theo comes so today we started with the front room. Lee has been painting while I've been carpet cleaning round the house. It's just depressing looking at the clutter and the flat not being 'ours'. So, it has begun!
Tomorrow I am 17 weeks! Only 22 days til my 20 week scan and I cannot wait, despite being horrendously nervous. That is a massive milestone in this pregnancy after last time. Hoping that having it at fetal med will make it easier then I have scans at 23, 28, 32 and 36 weeks. I saw the midwife on Wednesday and the first time I met her, wasn't keen but actually, ow the stress has lifted mostly, I like her a lot. Got to hear my little beast's heartbeat.it's been lovely feeling all his kicks though I get nervous when I don't. I just need to remember he can still hide. I'm also in perfect pregnancy health!
Managed to get the exact same cot we picked with a mattress and protector of my friend, brand new and never used, for £50 rather than the £95 it would have been. Loving it!
Had my first Ellie dream in along time last night. Still finding it hard so trying to let the excitement carry me through. Lots of feelings of guilt but I keep telling myself she sent Theo so to enjoy it. I guess it's never going to be easy :/ but I love both my babies millions.
Saturday 21 April 2012
Thursday 12 April 2012
How do we do it?
Lee and I make delicious babies. Tonight I got my first proper kick. Just one but he's just a little lad in there! For weeks I have been debating movement it's now becoming more defined.
We have picked out all our nursery furniture and theme and it's gorgeous! IKEA is the best! We are also going down the cloth nappy route. Money saving and good for the environment! We are getting modern ones though, not the ones you pin. I have started getting mother and baby magazine and its really good! The advice and articles are great and it has given me great ideas on things to buy and such. I'm already toy shopping and things. I wan Theo to have everything and be well developed. Being a stay at home mummy will be hard but lovely.
Still dealing with a bit of anxiety which will ease when I see the midwife on wed and she listens to bumpzilla.
Missing Ellie lots, especially knowing he is healthy and she wasn't but I also know she sent him so wants us to be happy. Getting the balance isn't easy when hormonal. I'm sad I will never see them together. Just trying to be strong for Theo.
We have picked out all our nursery furniture and theme and it's gorgeous! IKEA is the best! We are also going down the cloth nappy route. Money saving and good for the environment! We are getting modern ones though, not the ones you pin. I have started getting mother and baby magazine and its really good! The advice and articles are great and it has given me great ideas on things to buy and such. I'm already toy shopping and things. I wan Theo to have everything and be well developed. Being a stay at home mummy will be hard but lovely.
Still dealing with a bit of anxiety which will ease when I see the midwife on wed and she listens to bumpzilla.
Missing Ellie lots, especially knowing he is healthy and she wasn't but I also know she sent him so wants us to be happy. Getting the balance isn't easy when hormonal. I'm sad I will never see them together. Just trying to be strong for Theo.
Thursday 5 April 2012
The grass isn't always greener.
This past year, I have felt angry and bitter and wondered 'why me' more times than I can count and I never started to grieve properly til I got pregnant again. One thing that has always got me through though is thinking there are people who are worse off than me.
Everybody complains at times at various things. We all do it. It seems like some people though, it's all they do. And it's not just one person, it's a few. Sometimes you just want to shake them and say you have your health, you have a roof over your head, plenty of food, warmth and shelter and yet it's still not good enough?
One of my heroes is a 17 year old girl called Jodie. She has Ehlers Danlos syndrome and one of the most severe cases. Her digestive system doesn't work at all. She has no bowel. She can't eat. She is going to die. Jodie doesn't know if she'll see 25, 20 or even 18 and yet all she ever hopes is that she doesn't get an infection in her central line because it could be devastating. She never complains despite facing the scariest thing I know. Then there's all the PKD kids I know who deal with so much pain and illness and never know what's coming.
The fact of the matter is, I'm pissed Ellie isn't here but we have been given a second chance and I thank the universe every single night for how lucky I am, not only for him but for the roof over my head and the food I eat. We don't have much money right now but we pay our bills and get stuff for our son and that suits me fine. I also know, the kindest thing happened to Ellie. It doesn't ease the pain much but I know it's right.
The world isn't a bad place because you don't always get your way when you demand it. And most often they don't get their own way because they use people or talk to them like crap or live on cloud cuckoo and think things just fall from the sky.
If you have all the basic elements of life, food, warmth, shelter, health and love, then you are luckier than those being raped, murdered, starving and dying of Aids, suffering from cancer, being abused by their parents. But if the world is such a bad place, why don't you swap with one of them and I bet you'll know where the grass is greener.
Everybody complains at times at various things. We all do it. It seems like some people though, it's all they do. And it's not just one person, it's a few. Sometimes you just want to shake them and say you have your health, you have a roof over your head, plenty of food, warmth and shelter and yet it's still not good enough?
One of my heroes is a 17 year old girl called Jodie. She has Ehlers Danlos syndrome and one of the most severe cases. Her digestive system doesn't work at all. She has no bowel. She can't eat. She is going to die. Jodie doesn't know if she'll see 25, 20 or even 18 and yet all she ever hopes is that she doesn't get an infection in her central line because it could be devastating. She never complains despite facing the scariest thing I know. Then there's all the PKD kids I know who deal with so much pain and illness and never know what's coming.
The fact of the matter is, I'm pissed Ellie isn't here but we have been given a second chance and I thank the universe every single night for how lucky I am, not only for him but for the roof over my head and the food I eat. We don't have much money right now but we pay our bills and get stuff for our son and that suits me fine. I also know, the kindest thing happened to Ellie. It doesn't ease the pain much but I know it's right.
The world isn't a bad place because you don't always get your way when you demand it. And most often they don't get their own way because they use people or talk to them like crap or live on cloud cuckoo and think things just fall from the sky.
If you have all the basic elements of life, food, warmth, shelter, health and love, then you are luckier than those being raped, murdered, starving and dying of Aids, suffering from cancer, being abused by their parents. But if the world is such a bad place, why don't you swap with one of them and I bet you'll know where the grass is greener.
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