The conspiracy to kill me

Nobody offered me a swine flu jab! How bad is that. I had to ring everywhere this morning, and nowhere could I get one until I rang Scotland, haha! Ok, only 60 miles away but still. Luckily, the pharmacist goes to Berwick on a wednesday and Thursday so I can go then, only a 100 mile round trip!!! I just think there's been a few pregnancy and just after deaths and the risks of having it will be far less than having it. The midwives are telling me yes it's safe so why wasn't I offered?! Now I'll have to pay for it. Never mind, better than getting it I suppose.

Renal clinic tomorrow. I am nervous but I guess it's natural and when you have prepared for the worst, can it get any worse? Unless I got pre-eclampsia or something stupid but luckily, my bp has been good touch wood! My wishes for tomorrow are that her kidneys haven't grown too much, just to avoid nephrectomy if possible, that her lungs are still adequate size and she looks healthy in every other way. She did on New Year's eve and Dr Sturgiss is an amazing fetal med doctor so I don't suppose Professor Robson's opinions will differ too much. Meeting the renal doctor is nerve wracking too though. I know the initial problem is the lungs but in all the prenatal cases I have followed and and spoke to the mothers, the babies are still alive and Ellies lungs look fully developed. No guarantees I know. The next issues are the dialysis and renal issues so we hope that tomorrow isn't going to be another hope-killer when we've been able to hold onto some.

Watched 'The proposal' on the iPad last night, quality film! Love that Sandra Bullock. When it finished, was snuggled into Lee and kept feeling things drop, panicked it was a spider (as you do) and moved eventually. No, there was just colostrum all over my arm and a patch on the bed. Memo to self, don't lean on boobs in bed!

In some ways, we are lucky with the support we have, between all the health care professionals and our family and friends (well, mostly Lee's friends, hardly any of mine get in touch, I think they are too scared to talk to me apart from the not so close ones, and Kirsty, Gail and the 2 Gemmas). I just want to say to the friend who think she isn't doing a good job and feels bad, you really are and you will get there.

I met another ARPKD mum (or I guess they are moms haha since they are American, most of them) and her son is 2 and a half, despite being told he wouldn't live and being in hospital for 4 months from birth really ill. Also, there is another mum I read about and her little one was diagnosed at about 22 weeks or so and was still alive in 2009, following transplants and things, though she hasn't updated her blog since Sept 09. He was also in NICU at birth. It seems that, although things may still go wrong and every baby is different, these prenatal cases obviously get more intervention and have a fighting chance.

I'm doing German for my open uni course now to take my mind off tomorrow!