One thing most mothers can't do when carrying their child: feel their child (and I don't mean kicking or pushing out). Because my bump is fluid-less and compact, I can actually feel Ellie on my left hand side a lot (she virtually never goes to the right to sleep), including her back, so I can rub her back with only a small amount of fat and muscle in between, more than normal pregnant women. Not great I guess but it's cool to me, because she really seems to like it. She had a really quiet day yesterday, as she was so active during all the partying with the noise so she must have been exhausted. She forced me to have a chicken burger at weatherspoons today though haha!.
We've been out looking at Ipads today and are going to get one, for all our time (super fingers crossed!) in hospital. Saves taking books, laptops, DSs, music, as it's all self-contained. The Apple store has them so you can try and they were AWESOME.
I was really low yesterday but for all I've been uptight today, I have felt a bit better. This morning I said 'Why do we have a poorly baby?'and Lee replied 'No, she's our special baby' which was lovely. We talk to her a lot and I'm going to get her clued up on Kylie Minogue this week. You are never too young to have a girl crush, haha, Kylie and I took up together when I was 3!
My new ARPKD mum friend, Lindsey, is due soon. When you read this, Lindsey, you're latest post was moving and my sentiments exactly. I'm both excited and nervous for you, your husband and Stephen. I pray everynight, not that we have perfect, healthy babies. Our children are perfect. I pray that our babies have a chance. I know it will be hard, days weeks and months in the NICU-I'm planning my life round hospital. I also pray that if it comes to it, take my chance at a career, travel, expensive nice things, being able to do things I love like music, etc. It's not important, as long as I can help Ellie and she can do those things. Sometimes I wonder how I haven't lost faith but then I remember, the universe (or God, both the same to me but not wishing to offend) has taken her twice, and given her back twice. They don't want me to be complacent. I have re-evaluated my life. Twice we have had no hope then been granted a lot of hope. 70% for ARPKD survival at birth is a lot. Dr Sturgiss has guesstimated 75-80 for us. More than usual. We 'conveniently' live next to one of the best ever hospitals in the country. Her lungs 'conveniently' formed before we lost the fluid. I 'conveniently' studied a year and a half of children's nursing including meeting the community team, learning aseptic techniques, dealing with traumatic things, operations, invasive procedures, infection control etc. How can I lose faith in that?
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