http://www.artfire.com/modules.php?name=Shop&page_no=2&display=20&op=new&sterm=&sort_cats=0&seller_id=114665&sc_id=0
Jewellery now available, and new cards, made by my lovely friend Gem! Please visit. Some of the prices are out by pennies but that is because prices can be viewed in GBP but I have to enter them in dollars so the conversion just puts it out a bit.
Went to meet up with Gemma today to pick up the lovely stuff she had made and catch up. She is the nicest, most unselfish person I know. Her mum is lovely too. It's funny, I've really only seen Gem a handful of times but I feel closer to her than a lot of people I am friends with. We definately have to meet up more often. Her pet chickens are too cute too!
Thanks also to my friend Bev who has sent stuff to go on the online store. Should be here this week so I will be putting it online when I get it.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Two plus
For a little while now, I've been wondering if it is all worth it. Lee is the love of my life but people seem to think they can stick a spanner in the works/interfere etc. Today I figured, no it isn't worth it. I can't be bothered with there being more than 2 people in the relationship so that was me. But then Lee had a valid point...let them all go f*** themselves, we're happy with each other, and we are more than happy when it is just the two of us and no-one bothering us so why should we split to please them and if they behave like that, are they really worth the worry? I guess not, and i'm glad I have him to remind me of these things. Maybe people should focus on their own lives rather than having to know every little detail of other people's. It's really sad that they have to do that anyway. If people aren't happy, they can get on with it and if they are against the wedding, don't come. It's our day, not anybody else's so no-one will really be missed as such.
Going to see my friend, Gem, tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing her. People forget it is only 3 months since we lost Ellie and sometimes it is really hard to live a normal life. I'm lucky to have such good friends and my family to support me, as well as Lee obviously.
Definately need to study and practice piano tomorrow. Yikes! We have been busy today, sorting out crap and paperwork and it always seems to take forever! I must set up a study timetable too! Organisation is my friend!
Going to see my friend, Gem, tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing her. People forget it is only 3 months since we lost Ellie and sometimes it is really hard to live a normal life. I'm lucky to have such good friends and my family to support me, as well as Lee obviously.
Definately need to study and practice piano tomorrow. Yikes! We have been busy today, sorting out crap and paperwork and it always seems to take forever! I must set up a study timetable too! Organisation is my friend!
Open
I've opened this blog back up for now, now I've had some time on my own. I just don't like how people think they have the right to do a running commentry of your life and judge it.
If people think I'm wrong or childish for wanting privacy so be it. But let me say this, everybody says how much we've all been through, but remember while you were out living you life all those months ago, I was carrying that baby. You could forget for a while, I never could. You weren't there hospital appointment after hospital appointment, watching those scan pictures. Your children are still alive. So if I make mistakes, or get upset, or am childish, I have a right to be. You might think because you were part of it you knew the pain but you didn't. You never will and I'm glad. So go back to your little games and shove your head it little further up your arse. Just because you were able to grieve in a week or whatever it took, I will always still have it this painful as will Lee. Bereavement of parents and things is hard but it is the natural order. This isn't.
Oh and 'This is me and if you don't like it, get on with it' or whatever it is you say. Because if you had been through what Lee and I have, you would have failed horribly.
If people think I'm wrong or childish for wanting privacy so be it. But let me say this, everybody says how much we've all been through, but remember while you were out living you life all those months ago, I was carrying that baby. You could forget for a while, I never could. You weren't there hospital appointment after hospital appointment, watching those scan pictures. Your children are still alive. So if I make mistakes, or get upset, or am childish, I have a right to be. You might think because you were part of it you knew the pain but you didn't. You never will and I'm glad. So go back to your little games and shove your head it little further up your arse. Just because you were able to grieve in a week or whatever it took, I will always still have it this painful as will Lee. Bereavement of parents and things is hard but it is the natural order. This isn't.
Oh and 'This is me and if you don't like it, get on with it' or whatever it is you say. Because if you had been through what Lee and I have, you would have failed horribly.
Monday, 16 May 2011
Knobhead
What kind of bereaved mother walks down the baby clothes aisle in ASDA. Really, Naomi, really?!
I'm probably just hormonal and upset that I didn't get any work done today for errands. I am actually upset I didn't do 'school' work and chemistry no less! I hated chem in school! But this is my dream. When I went to uni before, sure I enjoyed bits of it but I want this so much. I really WANT it. I want it enough that if I get a full time job, I will sacrifice silly little things to work and study. I might only go out once a fortnight. I might only see friends every so often but it will be worth it because Ellie gave me this dream and nobody is going to stop it.
I'm probably just hormonal and upset that I didn't get any work done today for errands. I am actually upset I didn't do 'school' work and chemistry no less! I hated chem in school! But this is my dream. When I went to uni before, sure I enjoyed bits of it but I want this so much. I really WANT it. I want it enough that if I get a full time job, I will sacrifice silly little things to work and study. I might only go out once a fortnight. I might only see friends every so often but it will be worth it because Ellie gave me this dream and nobody is going to stop it.
Found it!
My lost 'lady friend' turned up, only because I forced it by starting to take my BC pill again but there you are. I didn't miss the pain, which to be fair, hasn't been as bad as I sometimes get it and it isn't half as bad as my first one after birth, where I thought I was actually going to bleed to death. Woot! I hate being a woman lol.
We've got a few bits and bobs to do today and places to go which I hate because it is bitty things and I really want to stay home and study. Newcastle doesn't consider resits so I have to be REALLY good in my exams. Granted, they aren't until Jan and June next year but when you consider 3 full A Levels in a year, plus ucas shiznit, it is a big feat. One I am determined to conquer I might add. I am spending most time on Chemistry right now, as that is the hardest and for me, I believe, will require the most work, but all in all, I seem to be able to grasp what I have learned so far. Fingers crossed it stays that way!
My little, Ellie-phant, thinking of you always, pretty bambi. I saw a deer the other day in the distance and knew it was you, come to see me :) x
We've got a few bits and bobs to do today and places to go which I hate because it is bitty things and I really want to stay home and study. Newcastle doesn't consider resits so I have to be REALLY good in my exams. Granted, they aren't until Jan and June next year but when you consider 3 full A Levels in a year, plus ucas shiznit, it is a big feat. One I am determined to conquer I might add. I am spending most time on Chemistry right now, as that is the hardest and for me, I believe, will require the most work, but all in all, I seem to be able to grasp what I have learned so far. Fingers crossed it stays that way!
My little, Ellie-phant, thinking of you always, pretty bambi. I saw a deer the other day in the distance and knew it was you, come to see me :) x
Sunday, 15 May 2011
Going mad
If I am relatively distracted, I am fine. When I'm not, something is always wrong. My new one is this: I recently found a fair size dent in my skull at the crown, probably where my back fontanelle was as a baby or i've cracked my head. But now, being me, I am convinced it is spreading, I have soft spots and my head is caving in. Lee presses it nearly every day when I panic and says it is solid. Mega freaks me out.
Got loads of work to do today. No time to piss about when it comes to all this work! Might do my notes in front of 'Dear John' and 'Brigadoon' though in bed. Typical Sunday afternoon!
Got loads of work to do today. No time to piss about when it comes to all this work! Might do my notes in front of 'Dear John' and 'Brigadoon' though in bed. Typical Sunday afternoon!
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Day out
We went to the metro centre today which is cool but always hard what with all the new mums, pregnant women and mother care. Lee bought me 2 new writing sets though so allnis well. I also saw the Oxford handbook of genetics which I mega want but it was £30.99 and it's only £23 online. It even has ARPKD in, which is awesome as it's mega rare.
Really daunted about the prospect of writing a personal statement but my friend is going to help. I'm planning to have all my unit 1s learned by August. It's amazing what you pick up and learn just while making notes which is weird because I don't actively read when taking note, I just the see the words and write them but some of it processes.
I've been thinking a bit more lately about the hospital and what happened there with Ellie. It's always hard to think about...I stood a stroked my daughter's hair and held her hand, knowing I was taking her to die. There was no other option, I know that, and I did what any good parent would in our position but it doesn't make it easier. I knew I wouldn't be bringing a baby home, but I still ache. It wasn't a shock but you never realise quite how much you love your child til the minute they are born. I think I really fell in love with her at 28 weeks when we knew about the ARPKD, and I could feel her back and all sorts with the lack of fluid but when she was born, that was it, I was spoilt for all others. Nobody really compares.
Really daunted about the prospect of writing a personal statement but my friend is going to help. I'm planning to have all my unit 1s learned by August. It's amazing what you pick up and learn just while making notes which is weird because I don't actively read when taking note, I just the see the words and write them but some of it processes.
I've been thinking a bit more lately about the hospital and what happened there with Ellie. It's always hard to think about...I stood a stroked my daughter's hair and held her hand, knowing I was taking her to die. There was no other option, I know that, and I did what any good parent would in our position but it doesn't make it easier. I knew I wouldn't be bringing a baby home, but I still ache. It wasn't a shock but you never realise quite how much you love your child til the minute they are born. I think I really fell in love with her at 28 weeks when we knew about the ARPKD, and I could feel her back and all sorts with the lack of fluid but when she was born, that was it, I was spoilt for all others. Nobody really compares.
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