Nearly there

I don't know wether to be relieved or terrified. My CVS is supposed to be Monday though they may put it back a week. My placenta is on the back so it may need to be done cervically rather than abdominally but they aren't sure if they'll wait or not. I know if they wait they are doing it for the right reasons but I just want them to rip of the plaster now, so to speak.

The miscarriage rate is 2% with this test although most of the time it's less if the doctor is really experienced, which ours is. I've considered doing it just by scan but then my options would be carry to term or stillbirth if it went wrong and I considered carrying to term in the event of an adverse diagnosis but I can't do that either. It's not fair to anyone, especially a terribly sick baby. People are often quick to judge, saying they would carry anyway but I saw the agony my child went through. I was there in the room when the cut the cord and she couldn't breathe. I watched her oxygen sats deteriorate and I won't do that again. It's not right.

I do have a good feeling about this baby but at the same time, I won't let myself believe it just in case my heart gets broken again. So, let's hope they do the test this week and put us out of our misery!