zzzzzzzzz x infinity

I got up at 8am, I've been in the shower, got ready and now I'm ready for bed again at 10.35am! Nightmare, because my house is a bomb site.

I am feeling better about things though. You know what? I just don't have time to give a shit. Not only have other people's actions caused me to learn who my real friends are, I have a wonderful husband who brings me flowers and chocolate bars, teaches me to be stronger and makes me laugh when he is naughty with his sneaky pints, a beautiful fairy and a gorgeous son due in 3-5 weeks so what else do I need? Certainly not those that bring me down and cause me stress when I should be super excited. As if I wasn't nervous enough panicking about labour, c sections and stillbirths. So I'm moving on and while we aren't cutting anybody out of our lives, people can work around us from now on, not the other way round. I am past caring about pleasing other people because all it brings me is tears and stress while they all get to do whatever they want and it makes Lee get stressed because he is trying to cheer me up. So as long as Lee and Theo are happy, I'm really not going to bother working on the rest. They can make themselves happy, it's not my job to worry about them and if they aren't happy, it's not my fault, they need to look at their own actions in life because people certainly don't lose any sleep when they upset Lee and I.

I have a scan on Friday. You'd think I'd not be nervous about scans at this point but it just never goes away, especially not after the Gary Barlow news a fortnight ago. I haven't needed to go to any but 1 reassurance CTGs because Theo has been moving quite a lot but I think I'll want them more after the 35/36 week mark. I guess the thing about stillbirth worry is most are preventable if you catch them in time and with me having check ups so bloody often, I'm sure it would be really hard to miss but I can't breathe easy til the little gruffalo is here. I've been playing my piano a lot, just easy film music and stuff to help and it really has.

Got my bump photos too, and I love them. Can't wait until Theo is here to get some done of him! He's gonna be gorgeous!