1 month wake up call

I can't keep saying enough how quickly this year has passed and now here we are at 33 weeks, only one month away from term.

I had a scan on Thursday past, Theo was weighing in at 4.1 lbs, exactly on the 50th centile line so totally average. I'm getting more and more nervous all the time so Dr McKenzie has been fantastic and scheduled me in for 3 CTGS this week and a scan the week after, then that pattern will happen again across the subsequent fortnight. I know it's just for reassurance but it really helps. He is so active all the time and it feels really weird now haha.

I feel like I'm constantly stressed all the time too. I've already made the decision that I am sick of loads of people hounding me about when they can have Theo to babysit him. Everybody else gets to raise their kids or be around other people's without me and Lee having to lose precious time in the beginning that we didn't have last time. I appreciate everyone is excited but he is our baby and I'm sick of crying at night because of people putting me under pressure. It's really not fair. It's got me so wound up that it's ruining my excitement for him being here. So, if it's a month, so be it and if I don't want to hand him out for 3 months, then that's also fine by me. This is about Lee, Theo and I and our family and what is right for us.

I spend my life trying to please people and I don't know why I bother. It always displeases someone and I'm getting to the point, as long as it isn't my husband or child, I don't care. Right now, for example, I am 33 weeks pregnant and I am the one for the most part who has to go visiting everybody else, despite being fat and sore and tired. There is an exception to the rule or two but really, what is that all about? I've been doing it this whole pregnancy mostly and I'm sick. And I'm pretty sure if I didn't, I'd get called for it for not bothering. I can't win when I'm soft, because people walk over me and when I man up, I'm unreasonable.

So basically, when Theo comes and I get out of hospital, I am going to lie round with him and enjoy him. I may not be able to drive anyway and if people want to visit and Lee is out, they can make their own tea like the Health visitor says. I know once I recover, I'm going to be super busy between baby clubs and classes to meet people, appointments I have to keep and being a good mum so for once, people can come to us or put up with not seeing us much. All this stressing is not doing my little boy any good.