Life, as always, is so busy. This helps the anxiety, not so much the energy!
I went to a charity ball on Thursday night for the Princess Ellie Trust and Wansbeck SCBU, it was very formal and a great night. There was a slide show of Ellie (not my Ellie) and her short 2 year life. Well, I very nearly had a nervous breakdown! At least I eventually got to meet Ellie's mum, Rachel, and Bailey's mum, Julie, who have been only too helpful with charity stuff. I've cried a fair bit for Ellie this week, I miss her so much, but helping others gets me through.
I do need to be sensible though. I want to be a biomed scientist, this is true. However, doing three subjects of two years work in one year, I can't do it. Yes, if I don't work, but that isn't an option. I'm working 9-5 during the day and now, I'm trying to kick off my Ann Summers career, which has a lot of potential. This is all around my piano and other musical bits. Even A Level students don't do 3 subjects in one year and especially not with 2 of the hardest subjects.
I feel like a failure, like I should be able to do it all in one year and like, what's in between for me for the next 2 years but I guess there could be a baby at some point, lots of fun working for Ann Summers, my job, holidays, charity nights and still my A Levels.....just not all crammed in so much I fail.
Sigh....I always feel like I make the wrong decisions in life.
Your never a failure and you don't make the wrong decisions ... you just sometimes take too much on in one go ... as I've always said to you!
ReplyDeleteSlow down, it's still early days, one step at a time and you will be what you want to be.
Love you x
Glad you enjoyed the ball.
ReplyDeleteIt's good that filling your days helps with the anxiety, but you need to make time just for you as well. You've got loads of time to get to where you want to be. Even if you need 2 years it will be a huge achievement! You're still one of the most amazing people I've evr met
B xx