What to do

It's amazing that when you are fine, all you want to do is sit around and do nothing but when you have to do that, you hate it with a passion. It's because when you sit, you have time to think and as much as I want to sit a replay our time with Ellie over and over, it's hard as well.

I was freaking out yesterday because I bled quite a lot but it's fine, apparently, and it has slowed down now. We had sunday dinner at the golf club which was good and then went to Louise and Ray's cottage. Nice but doesn't beat the caravan! Lee's excited because if we ever win the lottery, I told him we could buy a log cabin up there (or if we get full time jobs and save, which is more realistic but will take longer!).

Angela and the student midwife (whose name I have forgot....feel terrible but my mind is full) came out today to do my final check and discharge. It's a bit sad because our midwives have been so fantastic. However, Angela has said about getting them the info for 'A night for Ellie' because her and Ruth and Hillary might go, plus it advertises to other people. Also, Angela is going to sign my passport photos and form. We're going to get them chocolates and a thank you card. Doesn't come close to our gratitude but it's the least we can do. It's quite hard for me right now because I am so used to having constant midwife and hospital appointments, and it has been a big part of my life for a long time. I am used to being at the RVI and the doctor's surgery, it's a lot to get used to, not seeing those people and places so much. My 6 week check is apparently in March with Prof. Robson though, and the letter has been sent out so I should get it tomorrow or the next day. Then we have our post mortem results meeting with Dr Berrington in 6-8 weeks. I really hope next time we have a child too, in a billion years, that I can have my community care in Blyth, rather than at the RVI (where we will be for fetal med). I'm sure, in the circumstances, they will honour the relationships we have built up with various professionals. I find it so amazing that every single professional we have met has been so caring and compassionate, especially the doctors (because doctors are not renowned for compassion really). Dr Shiell with her phone calls to check I'm fine, Mrs Tweedie, who talked me through the surgery when I could feel it all, the anaesthetist who let me squeeze his hand as I screamed and Lee had left, Prof. Robson, who held my hand when Lee was having a scan in a different room and I was terrified at Ellie's renal scan, Dr Berrington, for everything she did for Ellie and our family on the NICU and Dr McKenzie for her brilliant care at the Wansbeck. Then, Angela, Hilary and Ruth for their wonderful sense of humour and care, Abby the midwife from fetal med, she was outstanding, the midwives on the postnatal ward,  just everyone. It's like an oscars speech!

Not really sure what to do with myself now.