Today has been a bad day. Just really sad and low. I could cope much more with not being able to do stuff if I had Ellie to look after.
To whom it may concern: The whole world does not revolve around you. You don't acknowledge my daughter's death to me, hours after it happened, then think you have the right to use her picture as your facebook profile picture? Every time you do wrong you try to turn it on somebody else. Well, if you want to shove your head up your arse and think everybody worships you, fine, but they don't and don't use my perfect child and pretend to care when you feel like it. I die inside everyday she is not here and you were honoured to even meet her and nobody will ever match up to her. And maybe you should thank your parents for everything they've done for you recently. They have certainly put up with a lot.
All looks good today on the bleeding front, barely any.
I'm so sad and hollow. Some days I feel almost ok but today is not one of those days. I don't know what my place in this world is, I don't know where I fit in. I have Lee all the time and he is my world, I would do anything for him but I still feel so lonely. I don't want to be here. Ellie should be here, not me. I wish I could go back and trade my life so she was healthy. I don't see any joy in the world. If I did something wrong, why punish Ellie, the universe should have taken me, she didn't do anything. People tell me life goes on and I know it does but don't I get time to grieve? It has only been two weeks. I'm so confused about everything. I hate my life and to top it all off, I'm scared to go to sleep for fear of DVTs and haemorrhage (which is a bit contradictory to how I feel hence the confusion. I am conscious if I have to be here, I don't want to waste my life).
I don't know anything anymore and I don't want to.
Hi Naomi....you are worth it....just try to keep telling yourself that. Each day you will find the strength. Ellie is living with you everyday and she'll make sure you make the best of your life. I didn't know her...nor do I know you, but everyday I think about you guys. You have touched so many lives that I don't think you are even aware of. Although you feel alone and empty, if you look up and look around you'll find that everywhere you reach you will touch one of us. You touch my heart everyday I read your blog. You are an inspiration to me for even expressing yourself as most of us would shut down. Keep writing...it's good for you and keeps us all right by your side :) Amanda
ReplyDeleteThe phrase "life goes on" really annoys me. Yes, it does at some point. But how can anyone expect your life to go on after only two weeks?! There is no time limit on grief, and even if there was, 2 weeks wouldn't be it. Or 2 months for that matter. I think you're amazing even to feel almost ok on some days. And on days when you don't feel ok... well, of course you don't! Give it time.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely worth it, Naomi. You are a true inspiration and I'm so proud that I know you!