For Ellie

Many of you will think it is hard to talk about a baby who only lived for 40 hours but I could talk and talk and never finish about Ellie.  In those 40 hours, she taught our families everything there is to know about life, love and living every day like it is our last. The name Ellie means both shining light and famous warrior. Ellie was and is both.

Lee and I were ecstatic to be pregnant and couldn’t wait to know whether we would be blessed with a girl or a boy.  Even from the beginning, Ellie was so awkward that when the sonographer couldn’t get her to move to see, we knew we had a girl!  They noticed a lack of fluid at 20 weeks and told us the pregnancy probably would not continue.  However, a week later, our little miracle appeared fine and continued to do so until 28 weeks. It was then we learned Ellie had a rare disease affecting her kidneys, lungs and liver and that Ellie still might not make it. She would not be able to pass urine, have no kidney function and her lungs would be severely impaired.  Once again, Ellie refused to be told what would and wouldn’t happen and continued to grown and give us hope.

I carried Ellie until exactly 35 weeks, when she stopped moving. The RVI delivered us immediately and we got to see our beautiful baby with one eye open and hear her scream briefly before the wonderful team of doctors took over to help her breathe.  Most people look at their baby for the first time and comment on how they have their mother’s eyes or father’s nose. Ellie, we laugh, bore a striking resemblance to Lee, and most of all, his receding hairline, despite a lovely head of hair.

With tiny lungs and an enlarged heart, they said Ellie might not make it to one day old and repeated that she would not pass urine and her blood pressure was far too high. Ellie was having none of that, so she decided to stabilise herself and wee, all while dropping her blood pressure. Lee will tell you she gets that streak from her mother! She fought through until the next day, test after test, but then it all became a bit too much and she let us know that it was time to go.

Those last few hours with Ellie were the hardest of our life, but also the best, as we got to hold and love her and tell her everything we needed to. We kissed her and told her how she would always be with us, not to be scared and how proud we were and will continue to be. You learn what it means to be a parent when you have to do the hardest thing, which is letting you child go.  Knowing that your baby is better off not in this world is the most painful feeling but we wouldn’t change anything as the time we had was amazing.

We chose the two songs you hear today as they were songs I used to wake Ellie with and she used to dance in utero to them. When she didn’t kick to ‘Crocodile Rock’ on the 5^th of February, we should have guessed our little drama queen would be putting in a speedy appearance. After all, what is interesting about a straightforward elective C-section (for Ellie, that is, I think I’m quite safe in saying that option suited me!)?

We have a thousand other memories about our little girl that we will treasure forever and even though we desperately wish things could have been different, Ellie was just too ill. We are so proud that in Ellie’s first week, she has inspired people to donate almost £900 to Tiny Lives at the RVI, who help the NICU where Ellie spent her time and did so much for our families.  Ellie has also been mentioned on Alan Robson’s night owls (to which she was born) and even celebrities are promoting her cause online. Ever the little star!

Ellie, Daddy and I want to thank you for the best 40 hours of our life. You gave us everything and we will continue to talk about you every day and take you everywhere with us. We love you so much, our little fighter and we will be eternally grateful that you hung on to meet us. Keep shining bright and stay kissy-licious, bambi. Love Mummy x