Watch this link unless you are emotionally disturbed...it will finish you off. My lovely friend Gemma made it for us. Lee and I have just beebled!
Not far off 10% of our target and loads planned in the way of charity events. We are doing well. Caprice the supermodel tweeted our site today and Paul Nicholson the darts player from Blyth did too yesterday. Ellie is famous!
Met with Henrietta today, she was on annual leave last week so had a shock this morning. I took our 'Ellie box' in and our photos for her to see. We discussed what had happened, Ellie's short life, what comes next, how I cope and Lee too,. It was really hard revisiting the time with Ellie when we had to make the call but also lovely, as we never want to forget how lovely and perfect she was. We also talked about the griviening process, which will continue for a long time, the first year being the hardest, with anniversairys and things, the first one being Ellie's due date, March 12th. I did say that Lee and I will not consider trying until at least after December anyway, we will not be rushing into anything like this anytime soon and Henrietta agreed. I see her again in two weeks and after that, who knows? She will be leaving the trust at the end of April but I can take up bereavement counselling at the RVI which I probably will. I feel close to the RVI, which sounds odd, but it was Ellie's home. It has a special place in my heart, compared with the Wansbeck (which was brilliant, but Ellie wasn't born there). We agreed the charity thing is working for me, though the pain is still crippling. I just want to help others in my position and I couldn't do that without Ellie.
I miss her so much. Life is so hard. If it wasn't for Lee I don't know what I would do. I can't wait to get married and take his name, as it's Ellie's name too but I love him so much. As much as I hate life right now, I will be OK with him there.
The minister has been tonight, and we have almost sorted the funeral for Thursday. It sounds as lovely as a funeral can and I wrote Ellie's eulogy/piece which I will publish here in a minute. That also made Lee cry. He wants me to be a writer. Chris (the minister) is also going to find a couple of little inspirational quotes or poems suitable for Ellie.
At last, the milk and pain is starting to subside. That's one weight off. I am still really struggling with the not being pregnant and feeling the kicks and things but I did manage to smile at 'Crocodile Rock' today.
One week today since Ellie left. Worst week of my life and always will be. Nothing could top this.
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