Ellie

I also wanted to make a separate post about Ellie, away from the upset and future plans.

I think about her everyday and yesterday, looking at photos it was hard to believe I even held that little monster, bless her. I can do everything now since it has been 3 months since my surgery and my recovery, to be fair, was really quick, despite doing loads from the off.

I still have a lot of health anxiety...I have no intuition about myself, I'm convinced I always have things wrong with me and I rarely do but with Ellie, I just knew she was special. She has made me who I am. I am a size 14 and yes, size 10 in my goal but I don't feel fat. She has shaped what I want to do with my life because before her, I never fully knew. She has made me take time to think about poorly babies everywhere and try and help them, at least the ones at the RVI. She has shown me that I have a wonderful man and although times have been hard for us, we are always bonded by her.

Sometimes I wonder who the lucky ones really are. I look at the two women who were pregnant with babies with ARPKD at the same time. Their lives are constant fear, as their babies are in and out of surgery, dealing with infections, etc and even after transplants, there is a shelf life. Where is the next kidney coming from? Ellie's life would have been pain, uncertainty, wishing she was normal.I even saw one parent on a facebook group lose her son to this disease at the age of 22. The time we had was so special and Ellie knew nothing but love, before birth and after.