Drained

I'm up and down right now.

First of all, congratulations to a fellow ARPKD mother who is carrying a healthy baby. Her baby is a carrier but not affected and I am so pleased for her.

With every pleasure in life, there is a pain too. I just came back from Teardrop, a SANDS affiliated bereavement group. We all went round the room and introduced ourselves, told our story and I burst into tears straight away! Other people cried before me though so its OK, we're all in the same horrible club but with a variety of reasons. I think I have a lot more than some of the people there. It makes me feel blessed.

I went to the library today and picked up some A Level text books and revision guides so I can crack on. OMG at Chemistry, that is all I can say! That is going to require muchos work! I am a smart girl however, and Ellie made me want to do this, so I will do it for her and every time I hit a blip or snag, I will find a way. I  have this determination that I never had with nursing. I'll have to to complete 3 full A Levels in a year!

Here's a little something I came up with:

Can you hear me, Ellie,
I wonder where you are,
I think about you every day,
I keep you in my heart.

I wonder if you're happy,
I wonder if you smile,
I wonder if you think about me,
Every once in a while.

I hope you're never lonely,
I pray you're never sad.
I thank the heavens every day,
For the time we had.

I think you're busy playing,
With your friends on the moon.
So I'll let you have your fun,
And I'll see you soon x