I hope some good karma is coming our way as I am working my backside off the help lots of people.
Between the boxes, helping people who need premature clothing, charities that need knitted goods (since Sam is a crocheting machine lol) and lending my micro out, I'm pretty sure it's due. However, I did get a call back from a golf club about a summer bar job today. It's not loads of hours which is ideal, he knows I'm pregnant and still wants me to go in and it's more money for Theo and clearing bills and debts. Fingers crossed tonight goes well!
Piano and flute exam this Friday. Oh sweet jeebus! Gonna practice today. Less worried for piano than flute but piano is the important one.
I missed a call from genetics on Monday and gill wasn't in yesterday so been worrying a little bit. I know it's about the full report but just got scared that they had made a PKD mistake or have found something else. Highly unlikely though so just gotta wait for a call back. It's also my '12 week' scan tomorrow at the wansbeck and I feel sick. I'm sure I have felt Theo squirming and stuff but like with Ellie, I just can't be sure right now and I am terrified something has happened, though once again, I'm sure it's fine. I'll just be glad to get there and see him. Rainbow pregnancies are so hard.
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Baking babies is exhausting
I could just sleep all day long! I have just practiced my flute for next weeks exams and I feel like I've ran a marathon!
I saw Theo on Monday for the first time since the CVS. By the time I see him next week I will have seen him every week for a month and this week he looked so much bigger! He was camera shy, turned over as soon as the sonographer started but he did have a few jump abouts.
We've started buying a few bits and bobs. He certainly isn't going to run out of newborn or 0-3 size clothes, we have lots already! I've started buying 3-6. You can never be too prepared with a baby and with toiletries, Lee and I use baby products too so nothing will get wasted.
The big decision is the VBAC vs repeat C-section debate. I can't be induced because after a section, induction increases your risk of uterine rupture x 12 which is about 5% I think. Hospitals, naturally aren't keen to do it. I feel a bit like people are pressuring me into a natural birth which isn't fair really because I have to do what is right for Theo and I and I don't think waiting til 42 weeks if he takes that long is the right thing to do. If I labour then need a section it comes with more complications and a lot of VBACs end in section anyway. However, I have made a compromise decision to myself. I am booking for a section but if Theo comes before the 39 weeks, I will try and do it naturally. I can't warrant going past the 39 weeks as it isn't always safe and 39 weeks is the best time for an elective section. The good news is, speaking the my PKD mums, pretty much all their healthy children came at term, rather than premmie, as many PKD babies do so my belief for Ellie's early entrance seems to be well founded.
Lee did a 20 mile bike ride Saturday past for charity and did really well. Now we are preparing for our fancy dress night but are doing some things during the day too. No wonder I am tired!
Mothers day was lovely by the way :)
I saw Theo on Monday for the first time since the CVS. By the time I see him next week I will have seen him every week for a month and this week he looked so much bigger! He was camera shy, turned over as soon as the sonographer started but he did have a few jump abouts.
We've started buying a few bits and bobs. He certainly isn't going to run out of newborn or 0-3 size clothes, we have lots already! I've started buying 3-6. You can never be too prepared with a baby and with toiletries, Lee and I use baby products too so nothing will get wasted.
The big decision is the VBAC vs repeat C-section debate. I can't be induced because after a section, induction increases your risk of uterine rupture x 12 which is about 5% I think. Hospitals, naturally aren't keen to do it. I feel a bit like people are pressuring me into a natural birth which isn't fair really because I have to do what is right for Theo and I and I don't think waiting til 42 weeks if he takes that long is the right thing to do. If I labour then need a section it comes with more complications and a lot of VBACs end in section anyway. However, I have made a compromise decision to myself. I am booking for a section but if Theo comes before the 39 weeks, I will try and do it naturally. I can't warrant going past the 39 weeks as it isn't always safe and 39 weeks is the best time for an elective section. The good news is, speaking the my PKD mums, pretty much all their healthy children came at term, rather than premmie, as many PKD babies do so my belief for Ellie's early entrance seems to be well founded.
Lee did a 20 mile bike ride Saturday past for charity and did really well. Now we are preparing for our fancy dress night but are doing some things during the day too. No wonder I am tired!
Mothers day was lovely by the way :)
Thursday, 15 March 2012
A new life
Today brought the amazing news that our little BOY is healthy, not even a carrier. I was already besotted with baby but now we are on cloud 9. All of our prayers and messages to both God and Ellie came true. The chromosome count was perfect too so no downs syndrome etc. We will get the full report in a fortnight.
I'm excited in a way I never was last time and though I won't relax til Theo is here, it's like the weight of the world has been lifted.
For all the joy, we are still desperately sad that Ellie isn't here and I hope she never thinks I am replacing her. I think about her all the time especially how she timed this baby through her birthday, then my CVS on her due date to finding out today, just before mothers day. She is my first, my little fairy and I will talk about her til the day I die but now she has given me a reason to smile and to want to 'move on' and live. I will never stop grieving and Theo will know all about her but this is a new start with our little piglet :)
I'm excited in a way I never was last time and though I won't relax til Theo is here, it's like the weight of the world has been lifted.
For all the joy, we are still desperately sad that Ellie isn't here and I hope she never thinks I am replacing her. I think about her all the time especially how she timed this baby through her birthday, then my CVS on her due date to finding out today, just before mothers day. She is my first, my little fairy and I will talk about her til the day I die but now she has given me a reason to smile and to want to 'move on' and live. I will never stop grieving and Theo will know all about her but this is a new start with our little piglet :)
Monday, 12 March 2012
The final stretch
Our CVS is done and now we just have to wait.
I barely slept last night and when we got into the scan room today, I could see the baby right in front of the placenta, which made it unaccessible. Luckily we were given the option of a transvaginal CVS or waiting 2 weeks. The pain of waiting has been so hard so we opted for the vaginal route. They say there is a higher risk of miscarriage at 2% but evidence doesn't prove that. Our midwives and doctor were amazing, so caring and compassionate. I held Ellie's blanket through it since it is her due date after all. The test was like bad period pains but quick. The doctor got the sample out in one and it was quite a large sample she said (though it looked tiny!). So now we wait til Friday or Monday and pray really hard that this baby is the one.
In terms of baby, he/she is growing lovely and they are super active compared to their sister! The dr could barely measure them. I must have a built in mp3 player in my womb!
I barely slept last night and when we got into the scan room today, I could see the baby right in front of the placenta, which made it unaccessible. Luckily we were given the option of a transvaginal CVS or waiting 2 weeks. The pain of waiting has been so hard so we opted for the vaginal route. They say there is a higher risk of miscarriage at 2% but evidence doesn't prove that. Our midwives and doctor were amazing, so caring and compassionate. I held Ellie's blanket through it since it is her due date after all. The test was like bad period pains but quick. The doctor got the sample out in one and it was quite a large sample she said (though it looked tiny!). So now we wait til Friday or Monday and pray really hard that this baby is the one.
In terms of baby, he/she is growing lovely and they are super active compared to their sister! The dr could barely measure them. I must have a built in mp3 player in my womb!
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Nearly there
I don't know wether to be relieved or terrified. My CVS is supposed to be Monday though they may put it back a week. My placenta is on the back so it may need to be done cervically rather than abdominally but they aren't sure if they'll wait or not. I know if they wait they are doing it for the right reasons but I just want them to rip of the plaster now, so to speak.
The miscarriage rate is 2% with this test although most of the time it's less if the doctor is really experienced, which ours is. I've considered doing it just by scan but then my options would be carry to term or stillbirth if it went wrong and I considered carrying to term in the event of an adverse diagnosis but I can't do that either. It's not fair to anyone, especially a terribly sick baby. People are often quick to judge, saying they would carry anyway but I saw the agony my child went through. I was there in the room when the cut the cord and she couldn't breathe. I watched her oxygen sats deteriorate and I won't do that again. It's not right.
I do have a good feeling about this baby but at the same time, I won't let myself believe it just in case my heart gets broken again. So, let's hope they do the test this week and put us out of our misery!
The miscarriage rate is 2% with this test although most of the time it's less if the doctor is really experienced, which ours is. I've considered doing it just by scan but then my options would be carry to term or stillbirth if it went wrong and I considered carrying to term in the event of an adverse diagnosis but I can't do that either. It's not fair to anyone, especially a terribly sick baby. People are often quick to judge, saying they would carry anyway but I saw the agony my child went through. I was there in the room when the cut the cord and she couldn't breathe. I watched her oxygen sats deteriorate and I won't do that again. It's not right.
I do have a good feeling about this baby but at the same time, I won't let myself believe it just in case my heart gets broken again. So, let's hope they do the test this week and put us out of our misery!
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Velocity
Can't believe how fast time is passing. I am 9 weeks today! My scan is a week on Monday and I am terrified because I know the CVS is then coming and even worse, the results. It's horrible, so ethnic you can't understand unless you are going through or have been through it. It's torture.
I've been feeling really low lately but I've decided this pregnancy, if all is well, I'm not going to try and please everybody else. Why should I? You know, I am always expected to say 'congrats on the new job' or 'well done' on good news to my siblings. I have given them lifts when they have needed them, fought their cases when my parents were unreasonable. And what do I get in return? Nothing, never the same decency. My brothers totally ignored my daughter's birthday and angelversary and my sister think she has a right to tell me how I should feel and cope with this pregnancy when she barely bothers with us and my mum always gives me the grief except, they are the ones who only care about themselves.
I have cried about it but Lee tells me why bother. They aren't worth it. Let's face it, they won't bother about this baby and in actual fact, I don't want them there when he/she is born because if they can't take the rough, they certainly aren't going to be part of the smooth and get to spend time with a baby that at this point they aren't bothered about. And when I get grief for it this time, I won't care, because they brought this on themselves. This baby deserves better than half-arsed.
I've been feeling really low lately but I've decided this pregnancy, if all is well, I'm not going to try and please everybody else. Why should I? You know, I am always expected to say 'congrats on the new job' or 'well done' on good news to my siblings. I have given them lifts when they have needed them, fought their cases when my parents were unreasonable. And what do I get in return? Nothing, never the same decency. My brothers totally ignored my daughter's birthday and angelversary and my sister think she has a right to tell me how I should feel and cope with this pregnancy when she barely bothers with us and my mum always gives me the grief except, they are the ones who only care about themselves.
I have cried about it but Lee tells me why bother. They aren't worth it. Let's face it, they won't bother about this baby and in actual fact, I don't want them there when he/she is born because if they can't take the rough, they certainly aren't going to be part of the smooth and get to spend time with a baby that at this point they aren't bothered about. And when I get grief for it this time, I won't care, because they brought this on themselves. This baby deserves better than half-arsed.
Sunday, 19 February 2012
Owie
This pregnancy is full of me being sick, a bad back, period pains, achy legs, exhaustion and pregnancy brain. Much hard than last time!
We had a scan on Thursday just gone and our little monster was looking good in there. A month has passed so quickly and now I am 8 weeks. My RVI scan is 2 weeks on Monday then hopefully the test will be the week after. I am getting more and more terrified.
Luckily, my baby loss mums and friend's are pulling me through. I'm going to the cinema a couple of times and helping with the boxes and bits so it all helps to pass the time.
I keep thinking it's morenthan likely that this baby is fine which is good. I try to ignore the baby sometimes but feel so crap, it's impossible!and still, in my head, I keep making plans for them and debating natural v's c-section. But this time I am doing it all my way, not to suit other people. Last time listening to others nearly resulted in me having a stillbirth.
We had a scan on Thursday just gone and our little monster was looking good in there. A month has passed so quickly and now I am 8 weeks. My RVI scan is 2 weeks on Monday then hopefully the test will be the week after. I am getting more and more terrified.
Luckily, my baby loss mums and friend's are pulling me through. I'm going to the cinema a couple of times and helping with the boxes and bits so it all helps to pass the time.
I keep thinking it's morenthan likely that this baby is fine which is good. I try to ignore the baby sometimes but feel so crap, it's impossible!and still, in my head, I keep making plans for them and debating natural v's c-section. But this time I am doing it all my way, not to suit other people. Last time listening to others nearly resulted in me having a stillbirth.
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