Velocity

Can't believe how fast time is passing. I am 9 weeks today! My scan is a week on Monday and I am terrified because I know the CVS is then coming and even worse, the results. It's horrible, so ethnic you can't understand unless you are going through or have been through it. It's torture.

I've been feeling really low lately but I've decided this pregnancy, if all is well, I'm not going to try and please everybody else. Why should I? You know, I am always expected to say 'congrats on the new job' or 'well done' on good news to my siblings. I have given them lifts when they have needed them, fought their cases when my parents were unreasonable. And what do I get in return? Nothing, never the same decency. My brothers totally ignored my daughter's birthday and angelversary and my sister think she has a right to tell me how I should feel and cope with this pregnancy when she barely bothers with us and my mum always gives me the grief except, they are the ones who only care about themselves.

I have cried about it but Lee tells me why bother. They aren't worth it. Let's face it, they won't bother about this baby and in actual fact, I don't want them there when he/she is born because if they can't take the rough, they certainly aren't going to be part of the smooth and get to spend time with a baby that at this point they aren't bothered about. And when I get grief for it this time, I won't care, because they brought this on themselves. This baby deserves better than half-arsed.