Ellie

Dear Ellie,

It's been just over 15 months since you came into our lives and left and the hardest 15 months of our lives without a doubt. After being ripped apart, physically, mentally and emotionally, I didn't think I would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel again.

Last year, on Father's day, you gave daddy a 4-ball for golf in your own fairy way, and this year, for mother's day, you sent us Theo. I know everytime I worry, you just laugh and nana gives me wrong because you are protecting him, it's just bad habit! He already is different to you: he doesn't like his picture taken! And where I didn't like red meat but you converted me, he has given me garlic bread!

Some days I feel bad, because you must see how excited we are and know that we never had that with you, that you never had a cupboard full of toys and clothes, and things being picked for you left, right and centre. It doesn't mean I love you less than Theo and I hope you know that. It just means you had to help us be better people and now Theo is going to help us.

I know you picked Theo especially for us and you must miss him lots now he isn't in fairyland with you. Everytime he doesn't move and I ask you to tell him to kick so I don't panic, he listens and since he has so much fluid, I'm sure you must climb in and give him cuddles. I already know you told him to like sweeties and naughty food more than broccoli and peas because he won't be my friend when I don't eat peanut butter and honey toast! I can tell he is a mummy's boy where you were a daddy's girl too and he is much more shy with the camera.

Sometimes daddy and I get sad you won't be here to snuggle Theo, and get in trouble for hitting him but you and I were the ones who knew you had to go back to fairyland, weren't we? You didn't want to be sad like the other boys and girls with ARPKD so you asked Theo to come and look after us because you knew he wasn't poorly.

Every minute we think of him, we are thinking of you too and you have been the best little brother protector in the whole world and still are. Please don't ever think we don't love you as much or are forgetting you, we are just making sure we look after Theo like you want us to.

You are the best little girl in the whole wide world and I miss holding your hand and kissing you every day.

Love you millions, bambi.

Mummy x